There are some romantic occasions where an element of sultry sophistication can be conjured by the mere presence of a husky-voiced companion. This traditional dish is delicious in it’s own right, as well as having the temporary side effect of giving you the larynx of an 80 year old bluesman.

I found this particular version at a roadside cafe on the M6, a place beloved by darts players and voice-overs for movie trailers. It is said that James Earl Jones once overdosed on this particular soup and it stuck. It’s like a kind of anti-helium. Here’s the recipe:

Chop some carrots and place in a dry saucepan. Boil a kettle, pour it in and bring to boil. I’m told this adds a certain something to the carrots

Cut celery up into chunks and shot in pan. Hook any scum floating on the soup out with a spoon and flick into bin. Crumble a veg stock cube in and stir. Reduce to a simmer. Go away and come back after 15 mins

Chop up a cabbage and an onion. Get 3 TVP (textured vegetable protein) frankfurters ready, ie take them out of the fridge.

Add frankfurters, cabbage and onion to the soup. Boil for a bit. Add soya sauce to taste. Eat out of a bowl, or gargle over a sink. Enjoy!

Rage Cuisine Tip:

If you boil this long enough, you may see gravy. But then again, you may not.